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To whom it may concern,

Over the past year I have proven many a time that I am a cretin, most likely autistic and will die for the sesh. I believe all of these characteristics allow me to suit this role for social sec perfectly.

My disturbing mind paired with my dedication and passion for this club will help our socials to be propelled back to the good old days of LUUMLC, described by OAPeak as “I didn’t actually mind if I woke up on Thursday morning. I’d have died happy right there in that basement, hands ducked taped together and chundering K cider out my nose; thinking THIS was the pinnacle of life”. Many of us lust for even a mere taste of that feeling of euphoria provided by Lax’s prime.

I believe I can be one of the men to deliver that to us, and to the next year of freshers. Socials reminiscent of those of the past will be replicated through the guidance of my elders and Ben Clegg’s social notes passed onto me by Mr district (documents which are as holy to the club as the golden plates are to Mormonism).

However, as I am part of the new crop of post covid misfits and maniacs, I therefore pledge our socials will keep up with the times, by being innovative and suited to the next generation of freshers. With this concoction of old and new, I’d like to say LUUMLC’s true heyday is yet to come; whether I’ll be there to provide it or just lay the foundations for future years only time will tell, one thing I know for sure is that I’ll have this role in a pavement square.

In terms of practical measures here’s what I’ll strive for this club to have.

More competitive socials against difference societies:
Being good friends with senior members in a few societies will provide us with socials to prove to the rest of Leeds we truly are a drinking society with a sports problem; and we will both outdrink and out weird anyone who contests us with ease.

Friday Otley runs:
Once a semester we’ll emerge from our basements into the light for a Friday otley run, allowing us to bond as a society and see who can hack it over the course of a day rather than just a few hours.

More mixed socials:
After parleying with Southampton mixed lacrosse on tour I have learnt that more mixed socials and integrating men’s and women’s lacrosse more will allow our sport to make more of a name for itself in Leeds. In addition, more exposure to women, according to the law of averages, will bring my fellow virgins more Wednesday success.

Increased Rollover attendance:
I will push for compulsory rollover attendance the day after all the big socials so we can all dissect last night’s antics, I will also push for increased attendance for normal rollovers so we can keep Lord Omelette company.

Increased recruitment:
As my year was the biggest intake of freshers to date, I will do everything I can to best that number by dropping recruitment game on every fresher I see whether it be at the freshers fair or every night out of freshers week.

Sober socials:
I also learnt from Southampton lacrosse on my travels about the importance of sober socials, this will allow us to recruit a new demographic of non-drinkers into our already diverse club. Some ideas include but are not limited to, movie nights with sweeties, going for walks along the canal, picnics and feeding the ducks.

In all seriousness if we were ever to stoop so low as a sober social, a trip to Alton towers or something like that could be a contender, and it would be rude if we didn’t get leathered whilst there. In addition, many of you will have heard from other societies about secret socials, I believe this is something we can incorporate into lacrosse tradition this can help to be arranged with the future expedition officer.

I also pledge to not get blackout before popworld anymore so the socials run smoothly and if any freshers are like myself, I will make sure they are taken care of before they end up abusing our A&E system (I also want to keep my record of 4 times).

That’s what I’ll endeavour to do for the club, here are my accolades to prove I have the capabilities to carry my manifesto out. On my social related CV so far is assisting Neil with brainstorming ideas for the socials of yesteryear and also taking Brasilian Jiu Jitsu to popworld and mischief on the clubs first ever social. Furthermore, my already existing relationship with popworld and mischief management will allow for a smooth transition into this role.

In conclusion I believe my idiosyncratic mind is still untapped and the potential for bizarre social ideas is limitless. I also believe I have the logistical knowhow and competency to carry out the many potential ideas listed above. Now you’ve met my serious side for the first time ever, the Talvin you know is seen in the video below, even I’m not sure what’s going on, but enjoy if you have the patience (hopefully no copyright flags second time).

Weird regards,

T.animal