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Do you ever have one of those moments where you think: How the hell did I get here?
I was just your average little boy who just loved getting wet, much like many of you, and for a long time just getting wet was enough for me. But one day I was at the local outdoor swimming pool hangout, and there was a strange old lady there giving me the odd ball. Now I was a regular at this watering hole, oh I knew everybody. Whether you were the lifeguards great uncle Tobias or you just nipped in to get a can of irn-bru from the tuck shop. I knew you and what you’ve done. But this old woman was unfamiliar to me. See I was J chilling at the side of the pool, you know when you sit with your elbows on the side like you’re in a hot tub. And she approached me with the grace of a blue fin tuna, and leaned down and whispered resolutely into my little boy ear, “Atlantis rises and will be reborn. Only once you have surfed the seven seas will you be worthy of the Trident”. And much like the swiftness of her arrival, she vanished. Leaving only an unusual puddle where she had stood. At first, as we all do when we experience something out of the ordinary, I put it down to a crazy incontinent lady with a bag of rusty bolts for a brain. But as I got out of the pool I stared into the puddle that she had left to linger, and saw something quite… how to put it?… strange. I saw myself, but not as a young slender boy as I was then, but as a big, muscular, gorgeous man with a crown on top of my luscious locks holding a giant golden trident, and I knew then that my destiny had already been determined. The Gods granted me the gift of supreme shredding capabilities, I was to become the greatest surfer to have ever lived. Then 4 years ago I surfed the final sea in my quest to become the Trident of Atlantis, a.k.a. Poseidon, a.k.a. husband of the earth, a.k.a. lord of the sea and all who dwell within. But the power of Atlantis corrupted me and within 6 days I lost the city’s fortune to a crab casino, I forced Hump back whales to traffic cocaine for the Mexican cartel, and my wife eloped with a bottle nose dolphin, taking my 3 children with them. And so Zeus stripped me of my Trident and my ability to surf as punishment for my incompetence. Those were the toughest days of my life, I spent every penny I had left on booze and cigarettes or, on the lonelier nights, some company from the turtle brothel. But I stand in front of you today not as a God or a King, or even a Husband, but as a man trying to get back on top. You may be thinking what has this all been about?
you know what, looking back now... it all makes sense.
Dream BIG. Live BIG. Love BIG.

Vote Isaac Hutchinson for your next Vice President